You won't marry him, Chloe!
by Jusperson
Summary: What if all Smallville's male characters suddenly lost their blinders and realized that she was really getting married and it's their last chance?


**Title:** You won't marry him, Chloe!  
**Rating:** T (for some language)  
**Genre:** Humour  
**Pairing(s):** Here we go: Chlark, Chlainiac, Chlollie, Chlex, Chlean, Chimmy, hints of Chlionel... I hope I didn't forget anything.

**Spoilers:** Spoilers for Chloe and Jimmy's coming wedding, ''Siren", "Dissent'', "Artic''.  
**Disclaimer: **Nothing but a bad sense of humour belongs to me.  
**Summary**: What if all Smallville's male characters suddenly lost their blinders and realized that she was really getting married and it's their last chance?  
**Note:** The idea to write this came to me after watching "Instinct''. I am not a Chimmy fan but I love all the rest pairings with Chloe. This is my first fanfic in English and since this is not my native language I do apologize for all possible mistakes that you can find in the text. But in anyway feedback is welcomed!

- No, please! Just not today! Why can't you come tomorrow? - Chloe asked Brainiac going away from him trying not to step on her long wedding gown.  
- It will be too late tomorrow!  
- But why? - Chloe was almost crying. The happiest day in her life was slowly turning into a nightmare.  
- Why? You're surprising me, Chloe. Tomorrow you would have become Jimmy's wife! And you won't marry him, Chloe!  
- You've come to stop my wedding? - Chloe couldn't believe her ears.  
- Exactly! I made you the most intelligent person on the Earth and still you were going to make the most stupid mistake in your life by marrying this... eeeh creature. And more than that you failed to realize that there is only one perfect match for you on this planet.  
- And this will be?.. - Chloe asked waiting for the worth.  
He didn't disappoint her.  
- ME!!  
Chloe didn't know what exactly Brainiac had done to her but at the moment she did feel like a computer. A broken one.  
- So now that you've understood your destiny at last, you're coming with me, - Brainiac said and took her hand.  
His touch put Chloe out of her frozen state.  
- No! - She pulled her hand out of his grasp and rushed out of the room.  
Running down the corridor she slammed in her best friend's chest.  
- Clark! - Chloe put her hands around him and sighed in relief.  
- Chloe, - he hugged her back. - I was looking for you. We need to talk.  
- Oh, Clark, please, don't let him take me, - Chloe pleaded.  
- Don't worry, Chloe. Jimmy won't get you.  
- Jimmy? - Chloe was confused. - I'm not talking about Jimmy. It's Brainiac. He said that he had come to ruin my wedding!  
- That's weird, - Clark said.  
- It is!  
- I mean, we are enemies. Why is he helping me?  
- Helping you? - Chloe was lost. - To do what?  
- To stop your wedding, of course. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. You can't marry Jimmy.  
- But why?  
- Because you should marry me!  
Chloe took a step back.  
- Clark, you said that you wanted me happy.  
- I do want you happy.  
- But you said that Jimmy would make me happy!  
Clark got silent.  
-What can I say? - Brainiac's voice came from behind. - He is the last son of Krypton. But definitely not the brightest one.  
- It's difficult to disagree.  
- Oliver?! What are you doing here? - Chloe was glad to see Oliver, especially when a dangerous supercomputer wanted to ruin her wedding and her best friend wasn't going to stop him. She just hadn't expected Oliver to be present at the wedding. - Aren't you supposed to be on a mission?  
- I am on it, - CEO of Queen Industries smiled charmingly at her. - On the most important mission in my life.  
- And this mission is?.. - There was something in Oliver's voice that Chloe didn't like.  
- To talk you out of this ridiculous marriage, Sidekick. You won't marry him, Chloe! Actually it's only the first part of my mission.  
- On really? And the second?  
- To make you mine.  
- She is not yours! - Clark and Brainiac yelled simultaneously.  
- We'll live and see.  
- I see, - Chloe said though in reality she didn't understand anything. She returned to the room followed by three men (that is one man, one allien ana one supercomputer).  
- Well, I can understand why you don't want me to marry Jimmy, Clark, - Chloe nodded. - And I can even invent a couple of reason why Brainiac lusts me. Since you and Clark are from the same planet... But you, Oliver, you must be having some post-effects of your poisoning. You're my friend, my cousin's ex, but you're not supposed to have feelings for me. It is against the script, for God' sake!  
- Actually, I was supposed to have feelings for you. But then they decided that Clark/Lois/Oliver triangle would look better in the show. Fools!  
- So what? - Clark yelled. - Now you want it fair?  
- Yes! I fought for the sake of this world too long. Now I want my dose of Justice. That is pretty, spunky and intelligent girlfriend. You've been with Chloe for seven seasons. You lost your chance. Now give way to the others.  
- I was too busy trying to get rid of Lana! And fans want Chloe to be with me!  
- You are destined to be with Lois.  
- NO!! Anything but this!  
- Yes, accept it! As well as the fact that after Chlark Chlollie is the most popular ship, - Oliver added with pathos.  
- It is actually on the third place, - Chloe heard the familiar voice and turned around begging not to see the man whom it belonged. Still he was there.  
- Lex!! - she yelled. - What the hell are you doing here?!  
-Yes, Lex! - Oliver yelled. - What the hell are you doing here?! You are not supposed to appear in the show for some time. - He waved with the book with ''Script'' write on it.  
- What, Queen? Now that you've become the series regular, you can do everything!? Even try to steal my Chloe?!  
- She is not your Chloe!! - Clark, Brainiac and Oliver yelled at once.  
- I am not your Chloe!!  
Ignoring the three men (that is one man, one allien and one supercomputer), Lex made his way to Chloe.  
- Chloe, sweetheart. Please do not marry Olsen. Marry me.  
- Don't jump a queue, Luthor, - Oliver yelled.  
- Shut up, Queen. - Lex turned back to Chloe and went on in a pleading tone. - Please, Chloe. After everything I've done for you...  
- For me?! Lex, everything you've done, you've done for yourself. You used Lana, you bought Daily Planet, you killed Lionel, you got me arrested...  
- Lana was a bitch. And now you know that. I bought Daily Planet for you. And it wasn't easy since Queen was suddenly interested in buying it too. And my father... - Lex went red. - That bastard was earning your trust playing good, kind and ready to help Lionel. Don't you know that he lusted you since you were fifteen, Chloe?! I couldn't let him take advantage of you!  
Chloe was too shocked to utter a word.  
- And your arrest... - Lex sighed. - Ok, I screw it up. At first everything was going according to plan. I got you and the weapon to get Kent out of our way once and forever... And then the whole situation in Artic... It just went out of control... It wasn't my fault. Please...  
Lex was interrupted by his phone ringing.  
- Luthor... You WHAT?! What am I paying you for!? You were supposed to get rid of him! And the body shouldn't be found! Idiots!  
- What is it? - Oliver asked.  
- My men. They lost Olsen.  
Oliver laughed.  
- I always wondered where you have found those losers. Good thing, I have my team on it.  
Chloe immediately regained her voice.  
- You WHAT?!  
- Don't thank me, Sidekick. The Justice League will do everything for my girlfriend.  
- She is not your girlfriend! - Clark, Brainiac and Lex yelled.  
- Why are you so loud? - Chloe heard another familiar voice from behind. She turned around to see her school  
friend.  
- Pete, please, don't tell me that you are also in my fan club, - she begged.  
- I am not, - Chloe sighed with relief. - That is I do like you and even have a little crash on you... - He stopped short seeing that four men (that is two men, one allien and one supercomputer) looked daggers at him. - But I don't think I will survive the competition. So I just came to help Clark.  
- To help Clark?! - Chloe was shocked.  
- Yeah. You know sometimes Clark reminds of my first bike. Kick it or it won't go.  
Lex and Oliver nodded smiling.  
- So you came here to kick Clark? - Chloe couldn't believe her ears.  
- Of course not, I don't want to break my leg. I have other means, - with those words Pete put out a small red meteor rock and put it in Clark's pocket.  
- Oh, no! - Chloe said.  
- Oh, yes! - Kal said. - Thanks, Ross.  
- You're welcome, man, - Pete left.  
- Clark, you should get rid of the red kryptonite.  
- It's Kal, baby. And I'd better get rid of these three suckers.  
- I did hope that I wouldn't have to do this... - Oliver began. - Or probably I did hope that I WOULD have to do this, - with those words he put out a small lead box with ''Clark's neutralizor'' write on it and opened it.  
The room got brightly lit with green colour and Clark fell to the floor.  
- So... - Oliver put the box on Clark's chest and turned to Chloe smiling seductively. - Where have we been when we were so rudely interrupted...  
- She is not your mate! - Brainiac yelled.  
- He is right, Queen. Aren't you supposed to hook up with Dinah Lance?  
- Have you seen her? - Oliver asked.  
- Yeees, - Lex answered carefully.  
- And?  
- Well, - Lex cleared the throat. - In a wig she looks quite... normal?  
- And without it?..  
Lex shuddered.  
- Exactly, - Oliver said. - I know I have a lousy taste for women. But for God' sake not so lousy!! So Chloe, you are not going to marry Jimmy, you're going with me.  
- No so quickly, buddy, - Chloe heard another voice from behind, but that time it was not familiar to her. She turned around and saw two men.  
- That is I do agree with the ''Chloe won't marry him'' part, - the shorter one said. - But she is coming with us!  
- Who are they? - Brainiac asked.  
- Sam and Dean Winchester, - Lex answered.  
- That's strange. I don't remember them, - Brainiac took the script from Oliver and started digging into it.  
- They're not in there. Their show is after ours. What the hell are you doing here?  
- Just fulfulling our fans' wishes. And they want Chloe to come with us.  
- I am not coming with you! - Chloe yelled.  
- Come on, baby, - Dean said. - According to fans' works you're sure to like it.  
- According to fans' works, - Oliver was getting red, - she is sure to like it more with me in Star City.  
- No way, - Lex yelled. - She is staying in Metropolis with me.  
- After I finish with you four, my genius Chloe and me will rule this planet, - Brainiac put his word.  
- Alright, shut up, all of you, - Chloe yelled.  
All the men (that is four men, one allien in a weak state and one supercomputer) looked at Chloe, who was panting heavily.  
- Before you all start tearing each other's heads, I want you to know that even if I wasn't sure before, I am pretty sure now that there is only one man on this planet that I want to stay with. And this is... - she paused for a moment.  
They all were listening very carefully.  
- JIMMY!! - Chloe yelled and woke up with a start.  
- Chloe, what is it? Bad dream? - Jimmy rubbered his eyes from the sleep and looked at his fiancee rather worried.  
Chloe looked at the dark room recognizing slowly her own appartement.  
- Dream, - she panted calming down. - It was just a very weird dream.  
- Are you alright?  
- I am fine, - she smiled at Jimmy and hugged him. - I am with you and we are getting married in a month.  
- So you had a bad dream about our wedding, didn't you?  
Surprised Chloe looked at him.  
- How do you know?  
- Well, all the girls are worried before their wedding. They're constantly thinking that something will happen and spoil it. It is ok to be nervous before the wedding for a girl or... a guy, - Jimmy cleared the throat. - In fact, I am also nervous. But I assure you everything will be fine. Our wedding will be perfect, - he hugged her again.  
For some reasons Chloe doubted it.


End file.
